Today I turn 36. That freaks me out a little, since I still feel closer to 21 than to 40. But at the same time, I’m not really embarrassed to say I’m 36. I’m been thinking a lot lately about growing up, getting older, adulting, and all that goes with it. So, this post is about that. 36 life lessons I’m learned over the years, many of which I wish I knew sooner.

1:: There is no magical age or moment in which you have it all together. As a kid I used to think once I was a working adult I would have life figured out. HA! I’m still trying to get it all together.

2:: Friendship takes work. As a kid friendship seems easy - your best friend was that person who grew up nextdoor to you or sat in the desk next to you in pre-school. As an adult, friendships are harder to start and difficult to maintain. They take work and time, but the good ones are worth it.

3:: Having your professional aspirations play out the way you saw them in high school is a rarity, at best. In high school I wanted to be a foreign corespondent for a major newspaper. At least that’s what I thought I wanted to be. Now I’m a professional blogger/influencer.

4:: It’s okay to try a lot of different things out before hitting on the one career/passion that will fill your bucket every day. Heck, in the years since graduation, I’ve worked for a major newspaper, niche publications (including a teen magazine and a hip-hop magazine), a high-end clothing boutique, a big-box retailer, a school, a start-up app, and a student residence. And I swear, each and every one of those gigs I started thinking this is THE ONE! Until it wasn’t and I knew it was time to move on.

5:: Self care is not always selfishness. This deserves a whole post on it’s own. But let’s just say this is something I’ve recently come to realize and something I’m still grappling with.

6:: Everyone suffers. I feel like every year I become more and more aware of how much we all suffer. Internal battles, external ones, whatever. Life is hard, sometimes really hard.

7:: Read more books. I went through a period of time in which I didn’t read at all. I can say now that I read a significant amount every year I feel better informed, smarter, and more well-rounded.

8:: Family is everything, at least for me. I know that isn’t the case for everyone, but for me my family is the place I feel most comfortable, most able to be me.

9:: Being introverted doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me. For years I thought being extremely introverted and shy meant there was something wrong with my internal makeup. That there was something I needed to change in order to be better.

10:: Life is beautiful. Sure, it is messy and hard at times, but it is also so beautiful. It is full of rich moments of connection and beauty. It includes sunsets that lift the heart and belly laughs that bring tears of joy.

11:: Going years without health insurance is a dumb move. I did that for three years while I was working several part-time jobs and trying to pay back student loans - and it might be one of the dumbest choices I’ve made in life. Thank God for a family friend who was a doctor and helped me out when I got swine flu.

12:: You can always begin again. Each year, each month, each day, each moment. The day before, or the minute before doesn’t have to dictate how the next minute will play out. Start again.

13:: Daily prayer is essential. This has been a practice of mine for more than half of my life, and I can honestly say it makes all the difference. I notice when it is lacking or when it is distracted - I’m more irritable and overwhelmed. When I take the time for quiet daily reflection, I’m more peaceful and optimistic. Curious how to begin? Here are 6 Hacks to Start Meditating Daily.

14:: Gratitude is an attitude. Sure some people are more naturally upbeat than others, but for the most part we need to work at it. I started noting one thing each day that I am grateful for and have found the more I do this consistently, the more I’m able to find things to be grateful for throughout the day.

15:: Swedish Fish dipped in peanut butter is the best snack. I know, that probably sounds gross, but it is like travel PB&J without the bread!

16:: It’s never too early to start a skincare routine. I wish I started earlier. But I had good skin and didn’t think it was that important to wash it daily and to use sunscreen. Now I see the difference it makes and am all about my daily routine.

17:: Knowing what looks good on your body is half the battle. We aren’t all made the same and so not everything is going to fit the same. This lesson was one I learned painfully by looking back at old pics of trendy things that didn’t work for me and seeing how unflattering they were.

18:: It’s okay to say no. Honestly, I’m still struggling with this one. I say yes to almost everything I’m asked to do. Yes, I’ll help you. Yes, I’ll run that errand. Yes, I’ll go out of my way. Yes, I’ll add more to my load in order to lighten yours. And while that can be noble, it’s also exhausting.

19:: Not going to the dentist in years is also unwise. I won’t tell you how long I went without seeing a dentist, but I will say when I finally went back it was because I needed a root canal, that probably could have been avoided if I hadn’t put it off for so long.

20:: Working out frequently is essential. For me, I go a little crazy if I’m not hard-core sweating several times a week.

21:: People over projects. This is one of my favorite mantras and one I repeat often, especially when I find myself getting overwhelmed with my to-do list and wanting to cancel on people.

22:: Amazon and Target are traps - but, oh so, great too. If I wasn’t careful and disciplined I could honestly spend hundreds a month at both Target and Amazon. Honestly, most of my favorite clothing items come from one or the other.

23:: Let go of the idea of perfection. No one is perfect. No Instagram feed is perfect. No employee is perfect. Nothing in this life is perfect. And while achieving perfection is not possible, I can be better today than I was yesterday. And better tomorrow than today - if I work at it.

24:: Smart phone boundaries are a must. I feel like I learn more and more ways every year to have healthy boundaries when it comes to my smartphone. Yes, I need to be on it several hours a day for work. But I don’t need to be on it at meals. And I don’t need to be on it at night rather than sleeping. And I don’t need to be on it while I’m trying to pray. And I don’t need to be on it when visiting with family and friends. Don’t know where to get started? Here are 10 things to help you break a technology addiction.

25:: Drink more water. After years and years of drinking cans upon cans of Coke and then mugs upon mugs of coffee, I’ve realized water has been missing from my diet. I feel better and have less headaches when I am actively working at hydrating. For me, that means 100 ounces a day.

26:: Get 8 hours of sleep per night. Yeah, I know that sounds insane. But if you are disciplined it is totally possible. I’m a crazy person when it comes to my bed time, and as a result I’m almost always getting 8 solid hours of sleep per night.

27:: Identify your fixed mindset and tell her/him where to go. My fixed mindset is named Gertrude and she’s rude. She crops up at the most inconvenient times and says some awful things. But now I’m getting better at recognizing her and telling her that I don’t need to listen to her, that I don’t need to think in that way, and I don’t need my life to be dictated by her.

28:: It takes time to see the greater picture. I remember quitting a horrible job in NYC and thinking this might be a huge mistake, while at the same time knowing it was the right thing to do. Looking back now I can see how a huge portion of how the following years played out - for the good - was a direct result of that bold move. We don’t always understand why we are going through something. But there are bigger things at play. Give it time and introspection.

29:: Pursue a hobby. I recently picked up photography again, and am loving the challenge it presents. Plus, it gives me a way to rest that isn’t just sitting on the couch binging Netflix.

30:: Embrace Failure. Okay, I’m really working on this one too, and don’t have it totally down. But failure is just a chance to learn and move forward.

31:: Your worth isn’t dependent on anyone else’s opinion. It’s not even dependent on your opinion of yourself. Chew on that. You have worth and value simply because you exist, because you are a wonderful rational creation that has a purpose for being here right now in this moment.

32:: Go ahead, experiment with your hair - cut or color or both. Whoa! Over these 36 years I have had a plethora of different looks, different cuts, different colors. Some were horrible. Some I thought were cool at the moment and look back now realizing they weren’t Some were so me, and some were not. But all of them were a fun experiment. Check out my long locks, or some of my shorter cuts.

33:: It’s no way to live thinking ‘one day when…’ For me, this is never seen more clearly than my battle with constant migraines. For years and years, I used to live thinking they would end soon and then I could start living my life. At that point I could do the things I wanted or pursue certain hobbies, or do more with my every day. But the reality is I’ve had them for half my life, and that is something I need to live with rather than waiting for the one day when…

34:: The mind is an amazing thing - use it. For instance, the first time I ran the Chicago marathon I had not trained properly. I was not a runner previously, and in my training I only got up to 14 miles - roughly half of a total marathon. Many people thought I would quit. Heck, my legs and feet and pretty much every muscle wanted to quit. But my head was in the game saying no way was I quitting this journey. I didn’t and went on to run two more. (A little about my 2018 Chicago Marathon journey.)

35:: It’s okay not to fit into molds. I’m sitting here writing this now with pink glitter nails in a camo jacket. I enjoy sweating like a beast at Orange Theory and twirling in pretty feminine dresses. I know how to fire a gun and bow and arrow with accuracy, and I love a bold lip color. I know more about football than most women I know and I prefer high heels to flats. And you know what… that’s me. Not a mold, just me.

36:: One more year, heck one more day here is a blessing. And I hope I never take it for granted.