Body Positive. It’s the new buzz word. A celebrity poses nude on a magazine cover or in her Instagram picture and suddenly everyone is talking about how amazing and body positive that is; how that person is teaching future generations of women to think differently about their bodies and society’s perceptions of beauty.
But, the more I think about this topic and read the articles touting body positive images and movements, the more I think a lot of this so called body positive is really body negative. Somehow in the attempt to get women to love and appreciate the bodies they have - flaws and all - we have told women to appreciate their body because it’s sexy - no matter the size. We have women of all ages posting nude pictures, claiming its being free and proud of their bodies. We are teaching the next generation that we are just the sum total of our bodies naked. And that’s the wrong message. That keeps us stuck in the same horrible rut we were in before ‘body positive’ became a thing. That’s saying men will want your body no matter your size, so love and flaunt your body no matter its size or shape. That’s saying show off what you have, no matter what it is you have or don’t have. That’s saying we are only our bodies, only the reflection in the mirror, only the selfie we snap.
But wouldn’t it be more body positive to teach women and girls that you - your whole person - is beautiful and dignified and oh-so amazing? Wouldn’t it be better to know that you are more than your body? To know your body is more than something to be plastered nude on a magazine cover? It’s more than an object? More than just good for looking sexy?
In the midst of all of our body positive talk we miss the most important point… We’re all beautifully, wonderfully made - no matter the size of our tag or the number on the scale.
As I was mulling over the latest mad love for the body positive images that have surfaced on Instagram, I realized I haven’t stepped on a scale in almost a year, and the last time was because of a doctors appointment. I don’t look in the mirror and see mega flaws. I feel content and even more than that, I feel happy in my body.
I haven’t always been there. I spent years hating the body I have (more on that in another post). I spent years dieting and wishing for a smaller size, a smaller number to appear on a scale. I spent years convinced my worth boiled down to those figures. But now, I have accepted that I am tall, with oddly long legs compared to my torso. I have accepted that I will never be a size 2 or 4, and realized I actually don’t ever want to be. I have accepted that there are certain parts of me that could probably be considered flawed, but that’s also what makes me unique; part of what makes me who I am. I no longer look in the mirror and refuse to wear something that day because I feel like it makes me look fat. I might not like a look and will trade it out for something else, but I’m beyond beating myself and my body up for the reflection staring back at me each morning.
This body positive approach that I came into without even realizing it, does not mean I’m going to pose nude pictures on Instagram or even pose in a skimpy bikini just to prove I love my body - curves and all. I think that kind of body positive means there are still some areas of negativity to work through. Why? To me, the need to post half-dressed pictures to prove you love what you have, is often an attempt to seek approval and appreciation from outside sources, and that is not body positive.
At the same time, I think we often confuse bravery or courage with a body positive mentality. For instance, bravery to wear cropped tops, bikinis or other items that you refused to wear before, doesn’t necessarily equate to growth in body positivity. Sometimes it still boils down to wanting to be like everyone else - wearing the same things. Or sometimes we wear these items and still look in the mirror and hate the reflection before us. Bravery and body positive thoughts aren’t the same.
I think we reach the ‘zen’ moment of the body positive mentality when we realize, our worth doesn’t come from anyone else’s opinion of us or of our body. When we are firmly convicted of the fact that our worth comes from within, from our very nature and therefore the rest doesn’t matter. When we reach that understanding we’ve hit the crux of the body positive movement.
I love everything about this post. I think most women have spent at least a few years hating “this” or “that” about their bodies and thinking that everyone else is just as focused on their body as they are. I struggled with disordered eating and body dysmorphia for years and it’s still something that I work hard to overcome. I love that you say not to step on the scale because scales give such limited info on health. I wish we focused more on healthy minds and healthy bodies because I truly believe that if we’re healthy mentally, we’re going to take care of ourselves physically.
Katy
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Thanks Katy! I think we’ve all struggled at some point feeling like we aren’t worthy or we don’t measure up! It’s so good to focus on healthy minds and healthy bodies, as you say!
LOVE this post…it is so important to love yourself and not worry about what others think. A lot of times their comments or negativity are because of their own insecurities and have nothing to do with us at all. Our worth does have to come from within
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Thanks Kim! Glad this post struck a cord with you.
All of this! As someone with a daughter I totally agree. Let’s focus more on personality!
This is such an interesting perspective. I really agree that we should love our whole person, and that we should be appreciated for our whole person, not just our physical bodies. It’s sad that (some) young women believe that their body is only meant to be sexy and viewed as something they have to flaunt in order to be appreciated. While I do enjoy wearing a bikini, I also enjoy wearing a one piece. I feel confident in both. I know I have flaws, but like you said, our flaws can be what makes us unique. I think body positive should be “self” positive instead - we should be proud of our whole selves, and flaunt our knowledge, compassion, and strength (and our bodies if we want).
Kalyn, Love the idea of being self positive instead of body positive! That’s such a better way of explaining how we should view ourselves and those around us. It’s not about the body we have. It’s about the whole person.
Such a great post! I am 4 weeks postpartum and I am trying to embrace my new temporary size because I know it’s supporting another human life and making food for her. I can’t be on a diet while I’m breastfeeding, but it feels good to be able to provide that for her!
You go girl! Taking care of that baby and knowing that’s your role right now IS what body positvity should be about. You are making positive strides for your baby and for you
I love this post and I think it is such an important topic. Why isn’t the focus on being smart, being kind ect. Why is bravery found in posting nude pics on Insta? Unfortunately for girls in this day and age, bravery is found in Kim Kardash posting her pictures and slamming everyone for having an opinion. Thanks for sharing this.
Agreed! Why aren’t we focusing on intelligence and kindness? Those are so much more worthwhile and long-lasting than the image in the mirror.
Everything you said multiplied by a thousand. At the end of the day, it still markets that women are nothing more than objects and that is what rides me so hard! I am not an object but a human being deserving of respect no matter my size and no I won’t flaunt that just to prove a point.
I hope I can teach my sons and daughter well enough to appreciate people for who they are and not what their size is.
Ohhhhh….. What an interesting thought. That those that pose to prove how positive about their bodies are actually still seeking approval. Mind. Blown. Thank you.
I love this! I was a little hesitant to read it (I just posted a body postive post today), but I think we are on the same page. Great job!
I think you make a really good point here. But I also think that at least the body positive “movement” that is happening right now is a step in the right direction. It’s good that curvy ladies are being encouraged to love their bodies. You can’t deny that feeling sexy helps you love your body, right? Learning to love your body might help you learn to love yourself, too — there is so much pressure surrounding our bodies that it makes sense that this is what the focus is. Even so, I don’t think we need to ignore our bodies to love ourselves. I want to feel sexy in my body — but for myself, not for others. That’s where I think what you’re saying makes sense
I love this post! I hate all this body EVERYTHING. Just love your damn self! I’m tired of hearing about body positive, fat shaming, whatever it is. I think being body “positive” should be more about the amazing things that your body can DO not just what it looks like.. Like taking a walk, finishing a work out, having a child, running a marathon, etc. Like a previous commenter said, we are not objects and we shouldn’t flaunt our bodies around just to prove a point. They are worth more than that.
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I loved reading this post Katy. I’ve been very conflicted over all of the “body positive” talk as of late too, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. You basically just put down every reason why I’ve had issues with it as well - aren’t we more than just our bodies, no matter how beautiful they may be? Very eloquent and well written, great read!
This is a beautifully written post and message! Fabulous!
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I avoid bathroom mirrors when naked, because I know that I will start spotting ‘flaws’. Scales are for annual doctor visits - we have a set at home, but I refuse to get on them. If my clothes still fit properly (aren’t tight), then I’m all good.
I am in agreement that showing your body off and saying ‘Look at me, I’m sexy’ isn’t necessarily a good thing. We are more than the sum of our (physical) parts……….
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